I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize