just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
