She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
