Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
