Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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