a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
