I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ladies don't puke and tell
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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