I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
