i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
