Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Do vagina's smell?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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