when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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