I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
