I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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