I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
