As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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