i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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