You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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