I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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