Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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