sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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