I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize