Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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