Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
