it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This is my gift to your gina
I can't put those talents on a resume
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
