Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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