I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
