Pants 0. Shit 1.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
