this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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