the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Let's paint friendship bongs
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
