Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Where is the hickey?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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