Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
