dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
