I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
