you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
