the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
