Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
