Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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