he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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