brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
