i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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