Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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