help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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