Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
