I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
