I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
tell me about the eggs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
