my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
