I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
