well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
