I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
