I wish I could punch you in the face.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
