There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
