Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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