STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
