24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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