sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize