miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
