honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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