I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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