I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
