Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize