i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
being pregnant is like rehab
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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