So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
