the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
